I continue to hear people’s argument that are “pro choice”. There is only one argument I agree with towards that argument. “A woman should not be forced to raise a child she does not want or is not qualified to raise.” YES! I AGREE! But not in the way you think. A woman shouldn’t be forced to take care of child that she is not ready for but abortion is not the option I believe you should choose. I believe that a baby is a baby whether it’s day one in gestation, 32 weeks gestation or 9 months old! The other option and the best option I believe if you do not want the baby you are growing inside of you is ADOPTION! There are thousands of mothers that are unable to have biological children of their own that would love to adopt a baby. Even the babies who you know will be born with a birth defect. There is a mother out there that wants to love that baby. Adoption is not something to be ashamed of and is a terrific option to pick! I know some of you will say giving your child away is easier said then done so I want to share my story. I know it won’t save every child but I can hope that it will help women learn there are better options.
I graduated high school in 2007. I was a very irresponsible child who barely passed her classes. I had a boyfriend I had been dating for a few months. I was made fun of and called ugly all throughout high school so finding someone who said he loved me and wanted to be with me helped get rid of the loneliness I was plagued with. Shortly into our relationship we became sexually active. I again was irresponsible and did not use very good birth control. Within two months of my graduation I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend at the time was very pleased. I feel he felt it was his way of assuring our future and proceeded to propose marriage. At first I was also pleased but also scared to death but looked forward to becoming a wife and a mother. My mother was not as pleased seeing as I was still living at home and only had a temporary job. She worried that I was not going to be able to handle the responsibilities. I just thought she was silly because I was lucky with a guy who was willing to take responsibility and get married.
Then things changed…
My mom was active in my church again and encouraged me to attend with her so that my child could know the gospel. She also wanted my boyfriend or I guess my fiancé to make better decisions for the child’s sake. I remember that Sunday. My mother insisted I talk to the bishop and tell him about everything that was going on. I remember sitting outside of his office and feeling so nervous about having to talk to him about the fact that I was promiscuous and pregnant. My mom had talked to him first so I was surprised when I sat down in front of him and he asked me what I had been up to. I’m not one to beat around the bush so I told him about my situation. I said I was ready to go back to church and was pregnant. He asked me what my plans were. I told him that my boyfriend and I were going to get married. He told me that the church was against abortion. I agreed with that stance. Then he told me when a couple gets pregnant out of wedlock the church encourages two things. Either the couple gets married so that the baby has a family or if the couple doesn’t want to get married, adoption is a good option to look into. I shook it off at first because my boyfriend and I had chosen the first option but adoption wasn’t something I had thought about. I had always felt adoption was an option for women who were alone or for young girls who were still in high school. It’s funny how things can change so quickly.
After my meeting I prayed to Heavenly Father for strength to stay active and help lead my boyfriend to the church so that we could get married and sealed in the temple. When I told my boyfriend I would really like to start going back to church so that I can make good decisions for the baby. He agreed at first and it seemed like everything was going to be okay. My boyfriend then learned part of what I wanted to do to be active in church was obey the rules which meant we were no longer going to be promiscuous. He was not pleased. He would want to have long make out sessions and when I would want to stop because I knew where that would lead he would get irritated. The stress of our disagreements on the plans for the baby lead me to feel very confused not as confident in our future together. I started to be afraid to talk to him about things because it would always to lead to a screaming fight which made me very nervous. I ended up calling him to tell him I needed some space and time to think because I was afraid to do it in person.After he yelled at me and cursed at me multiple times decided I had made the right decision.
After the break up I started to think about how I would raise the child on my own. I had very bad grades as a child so I would have to go to a community college if I wanted to get a degree to find a good job. My mom made too much for me to get a lot of financial aide and I didn’t know too much about scholarships that I would qualify for. I also thought about my baby. I know there are many women who are single mothers and get along fine but was it something I wanted for my child. I went to high school with many kids that were from broken homes, myself included, and I thought about the kids usually had one parent they barely ever saw if they did see them. The parents usually did not have the best things to say about each other and again even though the kids lived through it and were fine I felt that it was not a choice that a child would make for themselves. I eventually told my mother I was thinking about adoption.
I prayed that night and I received my answer from my Heavenly Father I believe. When I asked if adoption was the right decision all the anxiety I had been having about the baby turned to peace and understanding. I knew what my decision was. So I went and told my bishop and he got me in contact with LDS family services.
Picking out a couple that you will be giving such a big gift too on a website can feel weird at first. All you know about the people you are looking at is what they put on their application and a picture that they post. A lady I knew from church told me about a couple she knew that was on the website so I looked them up first and contacted them to see if I felt right about them. Shortly later I got an email from them saying they had a mother back out last minute on them recently and were not ready to look into adoption at the moment. I was a little discouraged after that and took a few weeks to look through the the applications again. The criteria I was looking for was for, people who could not have kids of their own, and who loved animals because I feel everyone should get to have a pet sometime in their life. A silly criteria I know but picking parents for your child can be a hard burden to bare so filtering through applications you need to pick what you want. There was another couple I found that I had seen before I went for the couple who turned me down. I got email back from them telling me that they were pregnant but would love to talk to me if I wanted to. Something didn’t feel right though so I continued to look and then I noticed them. Throughout all the filters I kept going through this couples picture kept popping up. They seemed like a lovely couple and their application stood out from the rest so I contacted them. I got email back saying they wanted to pray about it and get to know me first. Although some people might feel hesitant I felt that I needed to keep talking to them. I prayed about them that night and I felt that I had found who I was looking for. They took a few days to make a decision but I knew I just need to be patient.
Then I got the email. They told me they had prayed about it as well and felt they would like to continue with the process if I still wanted to. As I read the email I felt the feeling of peace again. We decided to meet at my 5 month ultrasound when they were going to tell me the sex of the baby.
LONGEST MONTH OF MY LIFE. Not really but it did feel like forever. I remember I was running late that day but don’t remember why. My mom called and told me they were there and that she was talking with them. I remember walking down the hall to the radiology department with knots in my stomach and not just from the baby kicking it. The first time I saw them was a surreal experience. I was nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time. I could tell they were also nervous. There isn’t a manual to tell you how to talk to the woman who is carrying the child you want to adopt. When we got into the room with the ultrasound machine we had to kind of squeeze in. The ultrasound tech asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the child and there was a unanimous “yes”. We found out quickly she was a girl. Lynsey told us the name she wanted was Zannah. One of the first times I knew I had picked the right couple was the look on their faces when they saw their little girl on the monitor. After the ultrasound they needed to head back to Austin for his work and we agreed to email and they said they would try to visit again before I gave birth.
The biological father was not as onboard with doing adoption. The conversations we had usually consisted of him calling me selfish and a bad mother who was abandoning my child. Before they would let me continue the adoption process they sent a currier to his house to ask him to sign papers giving up his rights. They told me he was saying at first that he did not want to sign the papers so they showed him what the normal cost child support was and that if he stopped the adoption process I was not going to give up rights so it would be joint custody so he decided to sign the papers.
Leading up to the day I gave birth I did a lot of praying. I had a lot of people not just the father telling me I was making a mistake and that I was going to regret it. I say this not to scare girls going through the same thing but to encourage them to pray and to keep in contact with positive support systems while going through the process because not everyone thinks it’s a good decision. I still kept faith and knew I was making the right decision. My mother was a major support system for me a long with a woman from church who would talk to the couple through emails as well. The couple would tell me how excited they were and tell me how grateful they were. One of the best things they told me about was how they had told their family about the baby. They did it during Thanksgiving dinner. When the family went around the table saying what they were thankful for they told their family they were thankful for Peggy and the baby she was giving them. I cried when they told me.
I will be honest I continued to be afraid that I might change my mind. I mean I would pray about it and would feel peace but there was always this thought in the back of my head that I might feel different when I saw the baby.
I was induced in March of 2008. I got induced so that they could be in the room when Zannah was born. I felt that it wasn’t fair that a lot of parents don’t get to see their children’s come into the world so I wanted to give them the chance to be there. Labor was painful. I kept feeling my body push the baby and when the doctor got there I was very anxious to push.
The moment I knew I had made the right decision was a few moments after Zannah was born. I looked at Zannah and then I looked at Lynsey. I saw the smile on her face when she cut the cord and I saw the look in her eyes when she was handed Zannah. That’s when I knew I was looking at Zannah’s mother.
Eight years have passed since then but I still get a Christmas card from Zannah and her parents every year. She now has three younger siblings all from adoption. Two from embryo adoption. When Zannah was five they came down to visit me and meet my husband. Lynsey was pregnant with their first baby they adopted through embryo adoption and they had Zannah’s little brother Max. Zannah was super excited to meet me and knew who I was. She tells people she grew in my belly instead of her mommy’s belly. I had a lot of people ask me if it was hard for me to see her. With all the love I have for Zannah it felt more like family coming to visit. I loved these people more then I can express in words but Zannah is their daughter and I know it was always meant to be that way. We spent Thanksgiving with them a few years ago as well and met their family. It was an amazing experience and Zannah and Max were very smitten with my husband.
An unplanned pregnancy is never an easy experience. Whether you are ready for a child or not there are a lot of decisions to make and no one can tell you what decision to make. You are the one that needs to make the decision I just want people to know there are options and there are families that are ready for a baby even if you aren’t.
My Life in a blog 